.
Pretty much all comedy competitions are for "new
talent" and I still don't understand this obsession - no one wants
a plumber that's only been on the go for six weeks, why should our
comedians be any different? That’s why SCOTY is so refreshing
- anyone can enter if they choose to. And as those new talent
competitions had passed me by, to get on in the comedy world it was
going to be a real slog, and still will be - especially as there are few
platforms for Scottish acts to progress in England. So something that
gives you a wee hand up is not to be sniffed at in this industry - or
any sphere of life - it's why old guys take Viagra. SCOTY gave
me a chance I might not otherwise have got to perform in front of some
industry and hey presto, I'm suddenly gigging a lot more in England and
crucially London. Oh and the 1000 quid was nice and I'm sure the month
gigging in Australia even more so.
Still, there was more than a little gamble in me
and some of the other experienced acts entering. Myself, Teddy (2nd
placed) and Keir McAllister (3rd) could have looked like a right trio of
wangers if one of the young upstarts had triumphed or indeed several of
them all scooped the top placings. Don't get me wrong; the young 'uns
done well - and I'm very fond of a few of them - but I was genuinely
hoping that us Old Guard (Old Guard at 28 years old - shocking) would
pull it off like we did. For two reasons: firstly, I've obviously worked
with and known those guys longer than the rest and secondly, comedians
are bitter gits who all believe they should be further on than they are
in their career. I'm willing to bet Russell Brand's pondering why he
isn't Jonathan Ross at this minute and vice-versa. To have seen some wee
shit - sorry guys but this is how the Old Guard would have thought -
with nothing but ten minutes material pull off what is likely a one-off
barnstorming performance and take a prize would be galling. We would
have sharpened our tongues and taken to grumbling on long car journeys
home from Aberdeen.
One of the keys to comedy and having a career with
any longevity is consistency and that consistency is something that
comes with experience - something us three amigos had in spades. And the
opportunity that a competition win affords anyone is one that should not
be blown. An experienced act can make the most of it - someone with less
experience may not. And that's where the "it should have been
me" mentality comes in. In hindsight I'd rather never have won the
bloody thing. One of the opportunities, the ones I've been waxing
lyrical about, afforded me is a photo shoot and a feature piece in
Attitude - the UK's biggest gay mag. Trouble is they want me topless -
I've been sworn off the booze and having to haul my considerable ass in
the gym ever since - shove your SCOTY trophy up your arse, I'll do gigs
in Helensburgh forever more and never complain - I want a pint!